The Wonderful, Guilty Choice

One of the hardest types of choices that we must make involves guilt. The involvement of guilt is two-fold; we feel guilt in making a choice and after we make that choice. Consider the circumstances in which we have two options. One is the socially-wise and the practical choice that is unfortunately not so appealing to us. The other choice is the one that we really want to make, but we know that we shouldn’t make that choice because of a personal or a social reason. There is guilt involved in wanting to make that “unwise” choice. But, we make that choice anyways, and another blast of guilt blows in our face for making that choice.
 
Let us consider this concept in more concrete terms. There is a choice to eat that cruller, which you have been craving for weeks, or to walk away from the donut shop. You know that you should resist the sweet temptation, but you buy one anyways and feel like a pig after you devour it on your way home. Or, consider these more serious choices: your best friend or a man that your best friend has liked for years. You know that you should refuse the advances of the guy as a consideration for your friend, but you give in anyways, because who can resist that passion, right? But, the nagging guilt in your conscience chants “selfish” every time you see your friend. These two examples all lead to one outcome: regret.
 
But did we really make the wrong choice by choosing the guilty option? At the moment, we might think so. But how can we say that we have made the right choices in life if all the choices that we made were for the purpose of acquiring social acceptance, and not our personal satisfaction? Making a choice that fits the expectations of society, practicality or the demands of an unknown future might give us peace. We will say, “I’ve made the right choice, so everything that follows will work out. I won’t have to worry about any future mishaps.” But that’s it. We only acquire peace and nothing more. Where is the joy of licking the last sugar glaze off your fingers? Where is the experience of passion and heart’s intoxication in love?
 
I am not pushing this argument to the extremity of hedonism. There must be limits to every choice you make, and it is immature to think that you can do everything that you want at any given time. We need to make sure that these guilty choices are small enough that they will not gravely hurt others, but large enough that they are important to us. However, we must not let ourselves become lost in creating a perfect world of best choices for the future or our social positions. We cannot be so self-conscious that we lose the chance to experience what it feels like to really want something and to fulfill that desire.